Food for thoughts

“Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience, or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If they pray for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunity to be courageous? If someone prays for family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?” - from 'Evan Almighty' movie.

Quote

'Don't let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life. never explain yourself to anyone cos the person who likes you doesnt need it and the person who hates you won't believe it' - Anonymous

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. — George Bernard Shaw (if i may say something about my bf :p)

TUNKU ABDUL AZIZ: Our flag still a bargain at RM5.50

I can't agree more with this article. since we're still in Merdeka spirit, it doesnt hurt to do some reality check... luckily i'm not the only one with the opinion. From one of my favourite columnists, Tunku Abdul Aziz.

IN the early 1970s, I took part in a memorable public discussion in Penang on the future direction of Malaysian education.

The late Geoff Leembruggen, then general manager of Malaysian Industrial Development Finance Bhd (MIDF), chaired the meeting.

When it was my turn to speak as a member of the panel of four, I questioned the wisdom of creating special residential institutions of higher education, such as Mara colleges, exclusively for the Malays.

To me, the very idea of a special race-based institution smacked of an educational ghetto where Malay students would live and study in splendid isolation and be cut off from the rest of the Malaysian student community.

I went further. I said that while I understood the political and social imperatives, and the need to increase Malay tertiary student numbers rapidly, I wondered if that was the right way of going about creating a united Malaysia of the future.

I was also concerned at the prospect of Malay students being denied an opportunity to take on "all comers" intellectually. I thought it would be a pity to isolate the Malays and protect them from open competition.

I did not believe that Malays needed crutches if they were given sensible opportunities to bring themselves up to scratch.

It would be all too easy to develop a false sense of one’s own intellectual prowess when one was competing in a closed, restricted educational environment.

Worst of all, to be shut off from engaging socially with non-Malay students was in itself a serious disadvantage for anyone growing up in a multi-racial country.

The reaction of some in the audience to my innocuous remarks took me completely by surprise. One man, in particular, went completely wild, eyes bulging.

I remain convinced to this day that if I had been within striking distance, he would have attacked me physically. "You are anti-national," he thundered.

I would not have minded if he had called me anything else. I was on my feet like a shot, to take him on for his gratuitous comment, when I felt a sudden tug on my right elbow and heard Geoff say in a firm and calm voice, "Don’t go down to his level!" I agreed with Geoff and let it ride.

I am reminded of this unpleasant incident as we step back collectively to reflect upon the passage of half a century during which we have been our own masters, determining the destiny of our country.

There is no question that we have done rather well on many fronts to change the face of our country; outstanding achievements by any measure.

On the debit side, I fear that we have made some policy decisions on education which have been detrimental to national unity and the integration process.

Our policy should not only have been to provide the best education for all of our boys and girls regardless of race but also, more importantly, to have prepared them to think as Malaysians and to contribute to the future development of their country with pride and commitment.

On this score, I am afraid, we have failed. I say this because the non-Malays continue to feel that they are being discriminated against as far as educational opportunities are concerned.

We have made mistakes and we have to unmake them. We cannot allow ourselves to be continually burdened by the baggage of history, a sense of guilt and regret as we enter the next phase of our national life.

We must finish any unfinished business so that we will be free to chart a new course that reflects the larger national interests — rather than selfish, narrow, sectional interests.

The sectarian instincts or emotional impulses to retain the so-called special character of "Chinese-ness", "Malay-ness" or "Indian-ness" must be moderated, if not altogether subordinated, to the demands and imperatives of our country that is still in search of a distinctive "all-Malaysian" identity.

We cannot aspire to be a strong, united Malaysia without each community giving something up and making some small sacrifices along the way.

I believe with all my heart that we must accept diversity as the bedrock of our nation. We have little or no choice in the matter because we are, in a very real sense, a "tangle of races".

For better or for worse, as in a marriage, we have to find accommodation. It is a matter of survival.

Let us make a conscious effort to look for similarities that bind us rather than expending our energies unearthing differences, often of no great consequence, that separate us as people.
Without unity, diversity is merely a physical state or condition in demographic terms.

In a society such as ours, national unity must not be allowed to remain forever in the realm or level of abstractions or ideas, but managed and nurtured carefully to make it not merely a fact but a way of Malaysian life.

It will not be easy and it will take time, but the time to put policies in place that will help bring about the necessary change is now.

Some argue that we have wasted the last 50 years. No, we have not. We have been trying to find the best solutions to our many problems that always accompany the birth of a nation.

The birth itself was relatively easy because just as we were fortunate to have as the principal "midwife of the nation", Tunku Abdul Rahman, whom the colonial government trusted and believed they could do business with. We were equally blessed in the wisdom, goodwill, loyalty and integrity of the other people who supported the Tunku throughout his crucially important constitutional negotiations in London, including the Malayan Chinese and Indian leaders.

But it saddens me to notice that 50 years on, there are many Malaysians who openly say that they have no reason to rejoice.

I will be the first to admit that flying the Malaysian flag does not necessarily signify your patriotism for your country of birth.

It does, however, show your neighbours and friends that you are with them in celebrating a joyous national occasion.

While the prices of many items have risen in the last few years, a well made 6x3 flag of fine synthetic material in fast colours retails at only RM5.50. Need I say more?

And, finally, as I wish all New Straits Times readers a Happy 50th anniversary of Merdeka, let me remind all Malaysians that they should learn to differentiate between their motherland and the government.

We sometimes feel justifiably unhappy with certain official policies, but we should not punish our mother for the sins of our father.

In every society we will find inequalities, injustices, distortions and poverty, and Malaysia is no different.

At least in our country, we enjoy peace and harmony. And we do have a functioning government that has the general welfare of the citizens at heart. Let us fly the flag with pride and joy in our hearts. Merdeka!

p/s: I studied in science boarding school. so i know how it feels being surrounded by bumiputras though they are among the best quality students. all am saying is things could have been better if we let non-bumi to participate. besides, it's a good opportunity for us to get exposed to the multi-racial environment from a young age. we've been talking about 'unite-malaysians' but believe me it's a distance away.. wonder if the govt could ever see things differently.

Did I marry the right person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love withyour spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was acompletely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame theirspouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage forfulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specificthings you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause andeffect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .

-Anonymous